This US tourists brutal review on Kiwiland might just shock you!

Publish Date
Monday, 15 January 2018, 12:21PM
Photo / Facebook

Photo / Facebook

Most people who visit New Zealand have nothing but outstanding reviews... as for our fellow American tourist, we aren't quite sure whether he loved us or hated us. He had some very interesting observations from his time in Kiwiland and we aren't too sure what we think.

Here's what he had to say...

  • Kiwis really love to say "aw yee?" and "yea yea yea", which together comprise 25% of the Kiwi language.

  • you guys loved lord of the rings so much you put the Tower in the middle of Auckland

  • most new zealand houses come in one shape and size, which is about two trailer homes side by side. There are no second floors in your homes. Many of your more rural homes are identical to those in West Virginia. They are almost purposely anti-architectural

  • (the homes are actually extremely comfy and I love the design)

  • for some reason you guys love coffee and are really good at it. The best latte of my life was on a ferry (or as you guys call it, a fee ree), it was honestly amazing

  • You do not have one one-hundredth of the homeless problem as in the States. Wellington seemed like the most livable city in the entire world. In the States, especially San Francisco and New York, you usually can't go two blocks without seeing a drug addict on the streets -- but yours are all absolutely pristine.

  • you guys don't have any Black people, except for the one homeless guy I saw rapping outside mccdonald's in wellington

  • fish and chips are really good, and also chips are just really big french fries

  • your internet is really, really, really, really bad. Most cafes in the US, as well as accommodations, give you fast internet for free. You guys are like 1/4th as fast, and you have to pay.

  • your public libraries are really, really, really, really fucking nice. I've never been in a public library in a city with young White people inside, and it was nice to see. You also had cafes and what looked like attendants, and the bathrooms were even clean. I cannot describe my jealousy.

  • you guys somehow got left with the TLC channel on your TVs. That is the channel we watch when we want to feel superior to other humans. I'm sorry this has been exported.

  • when people born in Rotorua live abroad and smell rotten eggs, do they get nostalgic?

  • The the first restaurant to greet me at Auckland airport was a McDonald's. Even more surprising -- you guys have KFC and Subway. How did happen? Do you guys know where Kentucky is? It's, like, our least important state.

  • maybe it was because you were all on holiday, but I didn't see any fashion -- everything was for function and comfort. This was pretty cool to see.

Okay, so that big tower you think is from Lord of the rings, mmmm that's the Sky Tower. We love coffee, don't most people? You're crazy if you don't! But we aren't too sure we agree the best coffee you can get is on a 'fee ree'. You don't like the fact you have to pay for wifi at the cafe, welllllll.. maybe you should put your phone down and talk to someone. 

Anyway, that's enough analysis on the observations from the American tourist, over and out.